It's for, like, charity. You know, save the wombats or somethin'. Has the keg line gotten any shorter?

While this year's nationally-relevised Ohio State-Michigan football game is deciding which team is numero uno, the biggest parties will be going on in the parking lots in Columbus: several local non-profits will be helping save the world for drunken football fans.

Turns out that only non-profits can get liquor licenses for outdoor events outside Ohio State's mammoth stadium; no doubt that provision was politically helpful in convincing local residents to allow a temporary outdoor beerfest for thousands of close friends. So for example Boys & Girls Clubs of Columbus lets a nearby restaurant use it to get a permit for a bash costing at least $50,000 just for the food and drink, but no worries: the non-profit nets a nifty $800 in exchange for its good name.

Then there's "Hineyfest" (as in "tailgating", get it?). A different local charity held out a bit better on that one, they'll receive around $25,000 out of an event gross somewhere south of $200,000. The promoters charge $7 per beer and expect several thousand attendees...you can do the math. What's the Oscar Wilde line about how we've established the nature of the transaction and now we're just haggling over price?